A reader wrote in this week with a question that deserves a serious answer, so here is an unserious one.
Naturally there was a committee. Naturally the committee was a pile of boxes, and naturally one box was occupied.
The Short Version, Told Slowly
If you take only one thing from this, take this: a view of the bird feeder from every room is not a bug. It is the product.
Our standard approach involves a front desk occupied by a very large loaf, followed by a lobby fountain that is actually a water bowl, followed by a brief and unexplained sprint.
In summary: act confidently, deny everything, and always keep a clear route to the nearest box.
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